Numb, that was the only word that MIkey could use to describe how he was feeling at the moment. Even as he sat curled up against Raph’s plastron, the strong arms of his brother wrapped tightly around him. Mikey had finished crying, and now the only thing left behind was a numb, confused shell of a turtle.
Mikey lifted his head slightly to look up at Raph, the look of concern his brother was giving him, wasn’t one that Mikey saw on his hot-headed brother’s face very often. And this particular look was usually directed toward Leo when their oldest brother had done, or was planning on doing, something incredibly stupid. Unable to bare seeing that look any longer, Mikey turned away, shifting to pull himself off of Raph’s lap where he had still been seated.
“‘m sorry,” Mikey mumbled.
“What are ya apologizing for, knucklehead?” Raph asked.
Mikey shrugged, looking anywhere in the room but at Raph. “I dunno, for making you uncomfortable?” Mikey hadn’t meant for it to sound like a question, but even as he had been saying it he knew what sort of reply he would get.
“Since when has me being uncomfortable been cause for you to apologize?” Raph raised an eye ridge at him, sighing when Mikey just shrugged his shoulders again. “Ya ain’t got nothing to be sorry for, Mikey,” Raph said firmly.
Mikey looked away from him, wiping his eyes to stop the fresh flow of tears; he had already done enough crying in front of Raph today, and really didn’t want to prove himself to be more useless and pathetic than he already was.
“Mikey,” Raph began, but whatever he was about to say was cut off by a knock on the door. Raph let out a frustrated sigh. “What do you want?” Raph snapped, seeming to already have an idea of who was on the other side of the door.
“Raph, it’s me,” Donnie’s voice came through the door. Mikey stared at the door with wide eyes, unable to stop the small spike of fear at hearing his brainiac brother.
“What do you want?” Raph repeated.
“I’m looking for Mikey, have you seen him?” Donnie asked. Raph looked toward Mikey, who shook his head quickly.
“What do you need him for?” Raph asked, avoiding the question.
“I need to see if he’s okay, physically that is… Slash could have caused some damage when he…” Donnie trailed off and a small sigh was heard through the door. “I just need to give him a check up, and possibly some pain killers.”
Raph looked from the door to Mikey. He knew that it was probably a good idea for Don to check Mikey’s injury, but Raph wasn’t about to force Mikey to go through with the check up, when he clearly didn’t want to.
“Can’t that wait?” Raph questioned, looking back toward the door. There was a long silent pause, but Raph knew Donnie was still on the other side of the door.
“He’s in there with you.” It was more of a statement than a question. The door started opening before Raph could even reply. Mikey backed further away from the door as it opened all the way and Donnie came in. Raph moved at the same time Mikey did, stepping in front of his youngest brother. This surprised Mikey, about as much as it seemed to surprise Donnie.
“He doesn’t want ta have a check up,” Raph said.
Donnie sighed. “I didn’t think he would, but it has to be done,” Donnie said, and Mikey looked out from behind Raph.
“I feel fine,” Mikey lied; his backside was still sore, and if he moved the wrong way, or moved too quickly, he was quickly reminded how much of a bad idea that was.
“You might feel fine, Mikey, but that doesn’t mean you are,” Donnie said, shifting around so that he could see Mikey better.
Mikey didn’t say anything, just ducked further behind Raph, pressing closer to the red banded turtle.
“Look, Don, I know you’re trying ta help him, but do you have to do it RIGHT now?” Raph asked.
Donnie let out another sigh, covering his eyes with his hand for a moment, and Mikey knew that his purple banded brother was thinking of a way to convince him to go through with the check up. “I’ve already waited as long as I can,” Donnie said. “Mikey, master Splinter already told me he talked to you about this,” Donnie said.
Mikey looked away, his eyes focused on the floor as he nodded slowly. “He… he did,” Mikey admitted softly.
“He also told me…” Donnie paused, and Mikey lifted his gaze to look at him. “He told us that you didn’t understand what happened,” Donnie said.
“I was attacked…” Mikey said.
“Yes, but do you understand what kind of attack it was?” Donnie asked, though didn’t need the answer as he saw the confusion on Mikey’s face.
“Donnie,” Raph snapped. Donnie shook his head.
“No, Raph, he needs to know. The only way he can truly start healing, is by understanding,” Donnie said, looking back at Mikey.
“And I suppose you’re gonna be the one ta explain things ta him?” Raph let out a small angry growl, but it was cut off my the frightened noise Mikey made. The smaller turtle backing away from him.
“Come on, Mikey,” Donnie said, holding his hand out for Mikey to take.
“Can’t I just go back to my room?” Mikey pleaded.
“You can after, I promise,” Donnie said softly. Mikey inched forward, but still made no move to take Donnie’s hand. “Would you feel better if Raph came too?” Donnie asked, Mikey seemed to debate the question for a few seconds before nodding, glancing back at Raph, silently pleaded for him to come too.
“I’m right behind ya,” Raph said, and Mikey gave him a shaky smile before looking back at Donnie, waiting for his tallest brother to lead the way.
Mikey remained close to Raph as they made their way out into the main part of the lair, and it was only Raph’s protective presence that kept Mikey from bolting back to his room. Leo and April were still there, both of them seated on the couch as Donnie led Mikey through the room and into the lab. Mikey could feel their eyes on him, though he avoided looking at either of them as he followed Donnie, sighing when Raph closed the door behind them.
“Okay, Mikey, just have a seat on the table…” Donnie trailed off as he looked back at Mikey, noticing his little brother staring at the examination table as if it were going to bite him. “Or you can have a seat in the chair,” Donnie said. Mikey made no move to sit down at all, rubbing at his still sore wrists.
“Mikey?” Donnie frowned, stepping in Mikey’s line of site. Baby blue eyes blinked at him, before Mikey nodded, glancing at Raph, as if to make sure that his hot headed brother was still there with him, Mikey moved over to one of the chairs and gingerly sat down. His slow careful movements didn’t go unnoticed by either of his brothers, but they thankfully didn’t comment on it, Donnie just nodded, grabbing his own chair and wheeling it over so that he could sit down in front of Mikey.
Mikey sat there fidgeting, his legs pressed tightly together, and he avoided looking directly at Donnie’s face, though at the same time his eyes never left the olive green turtle.
“Mikey, I’m going to ask you a few questions first, okay?” Donnie asked, and Mikey nodded. “They’re not all going to be yes or no questions, but I need you to answer me as best you can.”
Again Mikey nodded, his hands balled into fists as he rubbed them against his legs as he slowly rocked back and forth, waiting and dreading for Donnie’s questions to start. He didn’t want to be here, even with Raph standing off to the side, and knowing that neither of his brothers were going to hurt him, he still couldn’t help but feel anxious and trapped sitting here.
“Okay, first question is how much do you know about your body?” Donnie asked.
“I… I don’t understand,” Mikey said, glancing briefly up at Donnie, then fixing his gaze back on his taller brother’s knees.
“About puberty,” Donnie said, and Mikey just chewed on his lower lip, trying to think on how to answer that question. He vaguely knew what puberty was, but no one had ever gone into full detail with him about it. Mikey heard Donnie let out a small sigh, and shrank back in his chair a little. It was obvious that this was a question he should know the answer to, and he wracked his brain, trying to think of any information he could that would help him answer his brother.
“I’m sorry…” Mikey finally said. “I… I think I know… but I…”
“No, Mikey, it’s okay, you don’t have to be sorry,” Donnie interrupted quickly. “It just means this is going to be a slightly longer talk.” Donnie reached out to place a hand on Mikey’s but stopped when the smaller turtle jerked his hands away. Donnie refrained from sighing again and pulled his hand back.
“I’m going to explain this as best I can, if you don’t understand I’ll try and simplify it more, and if I can’t, then Raph will be his normal crude self and say it bluntly,” Donnie said, looking to his hot headed brother, who nodded once.
Mikey glanced up at the two of them, wishing even more that he had been able to go back to his room and lock the door.
An hour later had Mikey still sitting in the chair, though he now had his knees pulled up to his chest, and his arms wrapped around them as his mid processed all the new information he had been given. As it turned out, he had known quite a bit of what Donnie had said, which was to be expected since he was a healthy fifteen year old boy, same as his brothers. What Mikey hadn’t know was that it was normal for his body to act the way it was.
What had really gotten to the smaller turtle however, was the talk about actual sex, and the difference between consensual, and rape. Just the thought of it made him feel dirty all over again, and Mikey wished he could retreat to the shower and scrub himself clean once again. However he remained silent, listening to Donnie as he continued to explain as best he could. And while Mikey now knew exactly what Slash had done, it did nothing to make him feel any better.
“Mikey, do you understand what I’ve told you?” Donnie asked. Mikey just nodded his head slowly, knowing his brother was looking for a verbal response, that Mikey was unwilling to give.
“Okay,” Donnie said, letting out a small sigh. Mikey bit his lip, knowing that he was beginning to annoy his brother, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care at the moment. “Do you want to take a short break? Or would you rather get the examination over with now, so you can go back to your room?” Donnie asked.
Mikey blinked at him, actually putting thought into that question. He wished he could just skip everything and go to his room now, but that wasn’t going to be an option, because it had been explained to him twice already that this examination was necessary, while STDs weren’t something to really worry about, there was still the possibility of infection, and as much as he didn’t want to be touched by anyone, especially not where Donnie was going to touch him, the last thing Mikey wanted was an infection.
“Can we just get it over with?” Mikey asked in a small voice, and Donnie gave him a sympathetic look, nodding his head.
“Of course,” Donnie stood up. Mikey watched his brother as he moved over to where he kept his medical supplies. “You’re going to have to sit on the table now, Mikey,” Donnie said, his back still toward Mikey as he looked for what he was going to need.
Mikey’s gaze drifted toward the metal table that Donnie had managed to finally get; with how often they went topside now, and the amount of fights they were in, Donnie had insisted that he needed a proper medical table. And while this table was nothing like what you would see on any hospital show, it had still served it’s purpose, and made it easier for Donnie when patching them all up.
Mikey hadn’t particularly liked the couple times he had landed himself on that table already, because it usually meant that needles were involved somehow, either with stitching up a deep cut, or drawing blood. Both of which Mikey disliked. But now he was hesitating for a completely different reason.
“Mikey? Ya okay?” Raph asked. Mikey jerked his attention away from the table to stare at his hot-headed brother.
“I… I don’t want to get on the table,” Mikey said softly, and could feel his eyes burning as he tried to hold back his tears. He felt as if he had cried enough that day, but the overwhelming emotions were making it difficult.
“Mikey?” Donnie asked, coming over to his brother, looking worriedly at him.
Mikey looked at his genius brother again, the one person who had been his best friend since they were little, and the one that had always put in the most effort to understand him. “Please, Donnie… I… I can’t,” Mikey said.
“Mikey… I have to do the examination… you know I do,” Donnie said sadly.
“I-I know, but…” Mikey glanced over at the table again, wrapping his arms around himself. “Please… anywhere else… I’ll do it… but not… I can’t, not on the table…” Mikey said, turning pleading baby blue eyes toward his tallest brother.
“Mikey…” Donnie sighed, and Mikey could practically see his brother trying to come up with some way to get him to sit on the table.
“… he chained me down…” Mikey said, lowering gaze to the floor as he lost the fight with his tears. “…I was chained down to a table while he… he…” Mikey flinched, closing his eyes tightly when he felt Donnie place what was meant to be a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“I don’t know where else to do this, Mikey,” Donnie said. “All my equipment is in here… though what I need can be easily moved, I would need some place that has decent lighting.”
“What about the dojo?” Raph said, his voice rough with his own emotions as he watched his baby brother start falling apart again.
“We’ll have to ask Master Splinter,” Donnie said.
“Then let’s ask him,” Raph said, reaching out and gently taking Mikey’s hand he started pulling the quietly crying turtle after him, leaving Donnie no choice but to follow.
Mikey wasn’t to happy at being dragged across the lair from one room to another, all the moving around was more than just a little painful for him, and when they reached the dojo, the first thing Mikey did was sit down, curling up on the floor as he waited for Donnie to join them while Raph explained the situation to Splinter.
Mikey tuned out their conversation, closing his eyes tightly and breathing deeply, trying to ignore the pain in his backside.
“Mikey?” Leo’s voice so close to him had Mikey’s eyes snapping open to find his oldest brother kneeling on the floor in front of him, far too close for Mikey’s comfort, and Mikey was unable to stop himself from flinching away.
“Are you okay, Mikey?” Leo asked, and Mikey just blinked at him, not sure how he should answer that question, so he settled on the default answer that everyone seemed to go to.
“I’m fine,” Mikey said, shifting further away from Leo, who frowned at the action but thankfully made no comment on it.
“Donnie’s just about ready, he asked me to wake you up,” Leo said.
“… wasn’t sleeping,” Mikey admitted, pushing himself up slowly until he was in an almost upright position.
“Let me help you,” Leo said, moving forward to do just that.
“Don’t touch me!” Mikey yelped, pulling away from Leo almost violently, and then felt guilty as he saw the sad and worried look Leo was giving him. “I… I can get up on my own… This is hard enough and I- I just don’t want to be touched…” Mikey admitted, and even though Leo nodded his head seeming to understand, Mikey was sure that his older brother really didn’t understand anything at all. However, Mikey wasn’t really in the mood to try and explain his current feelings anyone.
Gritting his teeth, and doing his best to ignore oldest brother hovering nearby, Mikey pushed himself to his feet, going over to where Donnie had set things up over next to the tree.
“Come sit here, Mikey,” Donnie said indicating a mat that was laid out on the floor. Under the watchful gaze of all his brothers and Splinter now, Mikey lowered himself back to the floor, biting his lip as he felt a sharp pain from the movement.
“My sons,” Splinter spoke, and Mikey blinked up at the tall rat, seeing that he was addressing the oldest two turtles Mikey sighed and closed his eyes again. “I believe that Michelangelo does not need a small audience for such a thing.”
Mikey watched as Splinter ordered Leo and Raph from the room, though the red banded turtle hesitated, looking at Mikey as if asking him if it was alright for him to leave. Mikey hesitated as well in answering, unsure if he wanted Raph with him through this or not, but eventually decided against it; his strong brother had seen him in tears enough for one day.
“I’ll be okay, Raph,” Mikey said, though Raph didn’t move right away, clearly deciding of Mikey was lying to him or not. Though in the end he left too, leaving Mikey alone with Donnie.
“Can… can we get this over with?” Mikey asked, turning his attention away from the door to look at Donnie, who was looking almost as nervous as Mikey felt at the moment.
“Of course,” Donnie said, “I need you to lay on your plastron, it will be easier to how much damage was done that way,” Donnie said, and Mikey swallowed before doing as he was told, his hands clenched into fists.
Donnie was really careful with him, always telling him before he touched him, or moved his hand, and while that made things a little easier for Mikey through the examination, it hadn’t kept him from crying out when Donnie touched a particularly painful spot, or when he had put some cream on his injuries to ensure a faster healing time.
Donnie had apologized each time Mikey made any noise, until finally he pulled back, moving so that Mikey could see him again. “We’re all done, Mikey,” Donnie said, and Mikey nodded slowly as he sat back up.
“…can I go back to my room now?” Mikey asked, not meeting his taller brothers worried gaze.
“It might be best if you just sat here for a few moments, the creme I put on your injury should help with the pain, but I don’t want you moving around too much,” Donnie said.
Mikey glanced up at Donnie before nodding his head again and resumed starting at the floor. Donnie made no move to leave the dojo, and after another few moments of sitting in silence, Mikey looked up at his brainiac brother again, recognising the thoughtful expression on his brother’s face. Mikey knew that Donnie had lost himself in his own thoughts; and Mikey didn’t need to be a genius to guess what was currently going through Donnie’s mind.
“So… how bad was it?” Mikey asked, catching his brother off guard as Donnie’s thoughts snapped back to where he was at the moment.
“What?” Donnie blinked, looking at Mikey.
“My… ya know,” Mikey gestured behind him. “Was it bad?” Mikey asked.
“I… well, it’s not good, and I don’t really have anything to compare it to as this isn’t something we’ve ever had to deal with…” Donnie sighed. “But there are no signs of infection, and while you might be in pain for a few days, your physical injury should heal just fine, your tail might be sore for a bit longer as there was some bad bruising on it…” Donnie said.
Mikey nodded his head in understanding, returning his attention to the carpet he was seated on, his fingers finding some loose threads and he started picking at them. “…do you think I’m useless?” Mikey asked.
“No Mikey, I don’t think you’re useless,” Donnie said easily, and Mikey looked up at him, clearly not believing him.
“Really?” he asked, “‘cause from where I’m sitting, I’m pretty useless… I mess everything up constantly to the point where you guys are actually surprised if I manage to do something right…” Mikey said, pulling the string loose from the carpet.
“Mikey, you’re not useless,” Donnie said again, a little more firmly this time. “We may take our teasing a bit far at times, and it’s true that while you are not as good at some things as we are, you have your own special talents,” Donnie said.
“Yeah, like being bait… like attracting all the trouble, like being so shit at paying attention to anything that I get caught and… and…” Mikey shook his head, burying his face in his hands. “Why did this happen to me if I’m not useless?” Mikey practically shouted, taking Donnie by surprise.
“I… I don’t know, Mikey,” was all Donnie could say. Mikey curled up tighter on himself; he knew that no one could answer that question, and it may have been unfair to even ask it, but Mikey felt like he was losing himself in the overwhelming feelings running through him. Confusion, anger, and fear. Being confused was something Mikey could usually deal with, but he had never been this afraid before, because he had always known that his brothers would be there to protect him, even through the worst nightmares.
Except this time, they hadn’t been there, no one had. ‘Useless’, the word echoed painfully through Mikey’s mind, and he barely registered his brothers arms wrapping around him, or the calming words Donnie was whispering to him, trying to comfort him. “… don’t want to be useless…” Mikey said softly, curling up against Donnie, who held him a little tighter.
“You’re not useless, Mikey, you’re not,” Donnie said, rubbing his hand over Mikey’s carapace, slowly soothing his baby brother, and within moments, the stress of the day seemed to have finally caught up to Mikey, who fell asleep against him. Donnie was reluctant to move, or even call for someone to help him move Mikey back to his room, so Donnie remained sitting there, comforting his brother, hoping to ward off any nightmares that might plague his baby brother’s sleep.